Blah

We all have these kind of days. I've had a bunch of them lately. I guess the first trimester this time really threw me for a loop. With the other children, I was able to rest more. I still can rest, but I'm just extra tired this time. I could sleep 24 hours and it doesn't seem enough. Now that I'm in my second trimester, insomnia has kicked in during the middle of the night, and come morning and throughout the day, I'm just tired, and well, for me that can lead to blahness. But as I meditate on Scripture, the Holy Spirit is convicting me, that its likely more than just early pregnancy tiredness and blahness.

The Lord has led me to some wonderful scripture lately, both through a sermon at church, and through a friend. It is John 15, where it says Jesus is the vine, and we are the branches. A branch cannot bear fruit if it is apart from the vine. Many times in order for a branch to bear fruit, it needs to be pruned - if you've ever done any gardening, it just seems wrong to prune what otherwise seems like a healthy branch, but when you do, and the branches multiply, and you get more fruit or more flowers, you realize it was what was best for the plant.

When I'm feeling blah, feeling like doing nothing but taking naps, driving through drive-thrus, in other words, taking the easy way out, its because my focus is on me, not on Jesus. I'm trying to bear fruit, but on my own strength, without trying to draw my strength and life from the Vine. Because I try to do it on my own so often, I end up burning out and feeling blah - and then I go through a number of days not doing what I should, but doing what I feel like, and that is nothing. John 15:4-5 says "Abide in me, and I in you. As the branch cannot bear fruit of itself, except it abide in the vine; no more can ye, except ye abide in Me. I am the Vine, ye are the branches; He that abideth in me, and I in him, the same bringeth forth much fruit: for without me ye can do nothing." So the Scripture here tells me, that if I try it on my own, I will in fact be able to do nothing.

"The goal in life is FRUIT not happiness" (quote from our Pastor). Oh how I have this messed up! How much of my life is focused on my comfort and happiness? "I'm feeling blah today kids, how about McDonalds? Honey, can you pick up a pizza on your way home, I didn't feel like cooking tonight. Mommy needs her rest kids, you need to watch this video and not talk so I can sleep." Okay, doing this once in a great while is not bad in and of itself, sometimes when sickness comes (or just for fun), its okay - but when one day leads to the next, and the next, and the - it does become a very bad thing.

So how do I get through the blah days when I don't feel like it. Well, first and foremost, I need to take the focus off me and put it on Christ where it belongs. I will have no fruit if I'm trying to grow and do things on my own - remember apart from Christ "[I] can do nothing". Cut off a branch from the main Vine - and it will slowly die. When my focus is completely on Jesus Christ, I will do things because it is the right thing to do, because it is pleasing to Him, whether or not I feel like it or not. It doesn't matter if I'm tired, or if I'm wronged, or.....I still need to do the right, and godly, thing. I am a wife, and a mother. The right thing for me to do is to be a help meet for my husband and to care for and train my children. Getting out of bed just as my husband is heading to work, throwing the kids a bagel as they watch Clifford and a bunch of other shows, is not accomplishing what I must do. Ways I could help and bless my husband, is to get up with him, keep him company in the morning, lovingly make his lunch, pour his coffee as he's heading out the door, etc. Ways I could care for and train my kids is to make them a healthy breakfast, read the Bible to them as they eat, take them to the park (even when I don't feel like it), smile at them, etc. You see what I'm saying?

A poem that I've come across many, many times is one Elisabeth Elliot quoted:

Do The Next Thing

At an old English parsonage down by the sea,

there came in the twilight a message to me.

Its quaint Saxon legend deeply engraven

that, as it seems to me, teaching from heaven.

And all through the hours the quiet words ring,

like a low inspiration, 'Do the next thing.'
Many a questioning, many a fear,

many a doubt hath its quieting here.

Moment by moment, let down from heaven,

time, opportunity, guidance are given.

Fear not tomorrow, child of the King,

trust that with Jesus, do the next thing.
Do it immediately, do it with prayer,

do it reliantly, casting all care.

Do it with reverence, tracing His hand,

who placed it before thee with earnest command.

Stayed on omnipotence, safe 'neath His wing,

leave all resultings, do the next thing.
Looking to Jesus, ever serener,

working or suffering be thy demeanor,

in His dear presence, the rest of His calm,

the light of His countenance, be thy psalm.

Do the next thing.

Today, I will reconnect with the VINE so that with His strength, I can do the next thing.

All these pictures are from my gardens last year. This year, my vegetable garden bed is a bunch of weeds, kind of symbolic as to what's going on in my heart. With the Lord's help, I can have victory, and those weeds can become beautiful fruit, pleasing and glorifying to Him! But it can only happen if I'm connected to the Vine - Jesus Christ. It is all about having a personal relationship with Him. Want to know more? Here is a link that explains the very first step into entering a personal relationship with Jesus Christ.