Thought I'd sweeten this post with some child deliciousness :)
As much as it would be nice for God to just give me my measure of surrender and let me move on, its not His way, and I'm beginning to get a small glimpse of why. I'll never fully understand this side of eternity, but I think the reason we have to go to God with any request, over and over, and over again, is because it makes us entirely (COMPLETELY!) dependent on Him. If I received my measure of things (as I see it) or a "yes" answer to my every request, why would I need to bother with God at all?
Yes dying to self hurts, a lot. And just when you think you are there for a moment, your eyes are opened to how terribly far you have to go, and you realize its okay. Its a process. One you cannot go alone.
My grandmother had a relationship with Jesus Christ. Although it physically was painful to leave this life for her because of her cancer, the actual moment of death was very peaceful we are told. You see, she had everything to look forward to because she was leaving this life to spend eternity with God!
Do you have the same confidence? If death was imminent for you (which do you know for certain it isn't?), where is it you would spend eternity? If you'd like to know more - read THIS.